I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
