I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
