Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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