my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize