dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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