I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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