You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
