yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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