why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This baby is an asshole
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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