Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
