I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
