the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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