i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
