Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
