You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
