my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
