The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Still dying that you shit outside
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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