I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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