just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
