I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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