don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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