So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
