I am in a vortex of obligation.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
