He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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