You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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