im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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