sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
