I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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