I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
