My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
did i walk over a car last night?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
