OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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