She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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