Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
