You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
