she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
