Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
