i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
