Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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