I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
