I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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