What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
