I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
