I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize