things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
