i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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