Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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