Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
