when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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