I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
