how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I party with great urgency now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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