He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize