party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
