im drinking this country out of the recession.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
