The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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