i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
