and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
