The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
