so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
