She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You were trust falling into bushes
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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