operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
