I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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