Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize