He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
