sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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