Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
