Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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