i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Randomize
