So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
