So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
