Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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