yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
