you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
